DADDY DEAREST!

COL OLUSEGUN EBENEZER CRAIG – RIP

On the morning of 22^nd October 2014, his 76^th birthday my father telephoned me and when I saw his number I thought, I should be the one doing the calling, in any case I answered the call and he said ‘pray for me’ to which I spluttered out a prayer and a birthday wish but before I could enquire further of him he abruptly ended the conversation with a promise that we would have a chat later in the evening. I had a sense that he was in a hurry. Four hours later he had passed on.

You can imagine my shock. He was not ill, he was looking forward to a dinner party with family and friends later that evening; the cooking and other celebrations were on-going when death came calling. The family was stunned; none of us saw this coming. The futility of life!

As the shock wore off I began to look on the bright side, he lived a fulfilled life, he was active to the end with full faculty of body and mind, had many friends and associates. At 76, one could also say he lived to old age, (perhaps not ripe enough) he was a father and grandfather.

For me it was a double whammy because I had lost my mother the previous year and I never thought I would be involved in planning yet another funeral so soon. My parents were childhood sweethearts and I believe they are now together, I hope they are happy now, that for me is the only consolation, my coping mechanism!

The death of my dad has made me reappraise my life, my whole existence and life purpose, because now I know first-hand, more than most people, that death can come at any time, regardless of your status, age or circumstances, death cares less! In the aftermath of my dad’s death we had to decide where to bury him, what kind of burial service, what to bury him in etc. The irony was not lost on me because my dad was a simple person who would have wanted none of the fuss, he would have wanted a very simple burial. I know he would have turned in his morgue cabinet at the expense we were going to in order to give him a befitting send off. He would have preferred instead, that we set up an endowment fund in his memory, with the amount of resources expended for his funeral. Yet I think he would have been grateful for the outpouring of love from his family, friends and associates.

The finality of death is so absolute. Words forever unspoken, hugs never to be shared again, even disagreements, quarrels and subsequent reconciliation  are never to be had again,  an abrupt end to  memory making!

 As I looked at my dad’s body at the morgue, I felt an overwhelming feeling of peace, for him and for myself, because he looked as though he was asleep and could rise at my prompting, but then it dawned on me that he was asleep never to rise up again in this existence. Memories of my dad with shaving cream on his face came to my mind, memories of him fussing on what not to have for breakfast, (he was very health conscious) memories of us sitting on his bed, chatting till the early hours of the morning, memories of us walking and me yelling for him to slow down for me to catch up and memories of him calling out to my daughter from the gate downstairs and my daughter calling back ‘grandpa!’ I was jolted into the moment by my cousin, Bolaji, who had accompanied me to see my dad’s body, we said a prayer and he led me gently outside into the waiting car where I was engulfed in silence all the way home.

Having seen his lifeless body and indeed confirmed to myself that my dad was indeed no more, the realization hit me that he had finished his race here on earth and that as his first child the baton has now been handed over to me, I must continue the race, God help me. I choose to continue this race with gratitude, love, understanding, forgiveness and benevolence, I choose to overlook the mundane things and focus on what really matters in the final analysis, what really matters when we each answer the call is the legacy we leave behind.

To the numerous relatives, friends, colleagues and sympathizers who rallied round my family to ensure a befitting burial for my dad, a big thank you!