IN LOVING MEMORY OF ADENIKE OLAFISOYE

                                IN LOVING MEMORY OF ADENIKE OLAFISOYE

                                                               

                                                      7th April 1981 - 24th February 2014


Adenike Olafisoye, a beautiful daughter, sister, niece, cousin and friend passed on suddenly in her sleep on the 24th of February 2014. She was a beautiful soul now an angel at peace. I knew Nikky, (as she was fondly called) from when she was a teenager, I remember happy times shared with her and for some reason I keep recalling the evening we grilled fish at my house during her visit with me, we kept going back and forth in between checking on the fish and jisting. She was a gifted and talented artist whose drawing was amazing, I particularly remember a picture of her dad which she drew and gave to me. She was kind and considerate.

I have known her dad for almost twenty years now and I imagine the pain he is going through at the loss of his beautiful daughter who though female, looked very much like him. I sat with him as he recounted Nikkys life, in between moist eyes. I did my best to console him as I also grieved in my heart for Nikky.

A beautiful funeral was arranged by her mum and poignant tributes delivered by her siblings and friends, there where hyms, saxophone rendition and even a horn blower was there to see Nikky off!

Her dad did not attend the funeral as it is against the tradition and culture of the Yoruba race for a parent to know the grave of their child or even to see the corpse. So her dad never saw the corpse nor did he attend the funeral. I also, being a Yoruba woman did not want to attend as I am older than Nikky and I see her as a daughter, culture also forbids me to attend. So I wanted to stay with my friend and console him while the funeral took place. However, he wanted me to attend for him. So I went with my daughter and some friends to the funeral.

After the funeral there was a reception held for refreshments and more tributes, a screen was put in place displaying pictures of Nikky. There was a mix of people from different countries and cultural backgrounds. My friends and I did not eat or drink anything, as again this is forbidden in our culture, we cannot eat, drink or in anyway celebrate the passing on of a young person who passed on in her prime especially one who is young enough to be our daughter.

So we sat there and listened to the tributes and wrote in the condolence book. We consoled Nikkys mum who sat with us and told me how she wished Nikkys dad was there too. We explained to her that culture forbade him to be there. She agreed that culture did forbid even her to be there but that she could not imagine not being there to bid farewell to her daughter.

She had arranged the funeral and took full part in it. She had gone to bathe and dress her, she  was at the chapel for the requiem mass, at the grave side for the internment and at the reception to receive friends and family and to accept their condolences. She also informed us that she would be visiting her grave to lay flowers on her birthdays and at other times when she feels like being close to her. We all stared at her in amazement and sympathy.

That night I could not sleep. The image of Nikky lying in the cold grave kept flashing in my mind and I wished I hadn't gone to the funeral, I wished I hadn't seen the coffin or the grave. I was convinced that the Yoruba culture was not only wise but also valid.

A few days later I was discussing with a Ghanaian friend of mine who had asked me about the funeral. I told him about the Yoruba culture and how Nikkys' dad did not attend and how I also wished I hadn't attended. He looked at me in amazement and shock. He could not comprehend the thought of ever losing a child and not taking part in the funeral, of not saying a final goodbye. He thought the culture was repugnant, harsh and cruel!

He felt that Nikkys' mum was right to have done all she did for her late daughter, to have bade her a final farewell and to know where to go if she ever felt the need to spend time with her daughter, that in fact it makes it more bearable for her than the dad who because of culture and tradition missed out on saying a final farewell to his daughter. I stood my ground and stood for the Yoruba culture and tradition on this.

However, as days passed by and I thought more about it, I found myself thinking more about what my Ghanaian friend had said. I also thought of Nikkys' mum and dad and I wondered if it was right for her dad to have obeyed culture and tradition, and miss the funeral and celebration of her short life and the end of it.  Surprisingly, I found myself agreeing with my Ghanaian friend. I came to the conclusion that as much as we do not pray or ever wish to bury our children, tragedy do happen at times and we have to deal with it as a fact of life. I began to question my position on the culture and tradition of my people regarding the loss of a child or a younger relative.

I wish Nikky was still here with us, I wish she lived to get married, have children of her own and grown old gracefully and happily. However, no one can question the almighty God, He only knows why Nikky had to depart so soon, perhaps He and the angels were missing her too much for she was indeed a beautiful soul.

However, I am glad I attended the funeral and was part of the family, friends and loved ones who gave beautiful Nikky a beautiful and poignant funeral and memorial service. I am also glad that I know where she is laid to rest so that one day I may also go and lay flowers and say hello. Who knows, I may even be able to convince her dad some day  to visit and lay flowers at her graveside,  it may help him come to terms and heal from the hurt and pain. I know Nikkys' mum would like that. Beautiful soulful Adenike Olafisoye, rest in peace! Orun re o!